


Years have led up to This (someone tell me what This is)

by initial_a



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 03:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17154866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/initial_a/pseuds/initial_a
Summary: Feelings are stupid. Fuck feelings.





	Years have led up to This (someone tell me what This is)

**Author's Note:**

> i wanna thank nct and the johnjae gods for posting otp propaganda on the official nct twitter on my birthday, thus making it the best birthday i’ve ever had and giving me the strength to actually finish this instead of letting it live out the rest of its numbered days in my wip folder. also a big ass thank you to A, who nagged me into actually putting in some effort to drag this story from the depths of my wip grave into fruition, and at times being even more excited than me about this silly fic - u da real MVA (most valuable alien).

“Hey Jaehyun, you know you’re my best buddy, my soulmate, my forever bro, light of my life, my-“

Jaehyun tries (but fails) to keep from rolling his eyes at his housemate's antics, “what do you want, John Suh?”

Johnny is now kneeling on the cushion of the dining chair in a way that makes him look way smaller than his usual giant self. “Please be my fake boyfriend.”

Jaehyun whips his head to blink at Johnny, “you want me to be your what now?”

“My fake boyfriend?”

Jaehyun stares blankly at Johnny, one eyebrow raised, then bursts out laughing because like, what the fuck?

“Jaehyunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!”

Even with Johnny using his Puss-in-boots eyes on him, bottom lip jutting out in that way that Johnny _knows_ Jaehyun is weak for, Jaehyun steels his heart, barely managing to yell out “damn it! Stop looking at me like that!”

“Pretty please, Jaehyun? I’ll do the laundry for a month, just please please be my fake boyfriend?”

“Damn, you’re offering to do laundry for an entire month? What’s got you so desperate, man?”

Johnny winces and Jaehyun's interest is now most definitely piqued. “Remember Junmyeon?”

“Kim Junmyeon? Of course I remember Kim Junmyeon! I didn’t sit through months of your gross ass waxing lyrical about your “angel from above” to forget who Kim Junmyeon is.”

Johnny has the decency to blush, “okay, your distaste is well-noted, but so I ran into him today and he was wearing this suit and he looked so good and put together and here I was, just this giant slob in my ripped jeans and a jumper with this huge coffee stain on the sleeve because I hadn’t gotten round to washing it and I panicked okay?”

“I still don’t see why you need me to be your fake boyfriend.”

“Welllllll, you see, I might have mentioned that I was living with you and Junmyeon might have assumed that you were my boyfriend and I might not have corrected him and he might have invited us to this thing next weekend and I might have said of course we would go?”

“Suh Youngho, you might be the biggest loser I’ve ever met.”

“Jaehyunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn,” Johnny whines, “pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?”

Jaehyun likes to think that after knowing Johnny for more than a decade, he’s now immune to any and all of Johnny’s pleading looks, but he knows it’s all a big, fat lie. “Both laundry and cooking duties for two months and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Yes!” Johnny cheers, “thank you thank you thank you, Jaehyun, you’re a life saver!”

Jaehyun shrugs, “yeah yeah i’m the best, what’s new? What’s the event anyway?”

Johnny shrugs, face hidden even as he types something on his phone, “just this thing at a bar on First Avenue? There’ll be free food and open bar though?” Johnny offers in a placating tone.

“Johnny, you know that if you would’ve just led off with “free alcohol, come with” I would have said sure without even thinking?”

Johnny looks up, wide-eyed, “I didn’t even think of that. Can I take it all back then?”

“Sorry, there are no such things as take-backs in the Jung family,” Jaehyun simpers, “you’ve got yourself two months of laundry and cooking duty, and a smokin’ hot fake boyfriend!”

 

 

🐱🐷

  

 

When Jaehyun enters the speakeasy hand in hand with Johnny, he expects the muted sound of conversation partially drowned out by the jazz music from the speakers. He also expects to see Kim Junmyeon looking as handsome as he remembers, cutting a fine figure in a fitted black suit.

What Jaehyun doesn’t expect, is for Johnny to spit out a “congratulations on your engagement” when Junmyeon comes over to say hi and introduce them to his _fiancé_.

When Junmyeon and Jongdae finally excuse themselves to greet some work colleagues, Jaehyun pinches the inside of Johnny’s bicep under the guise of clinging on to him while trying to navigate their way to the bar. “That hurts, Jaehyun,” Johnny grunts low so only the two of them hear it, “why are you trying to hurt me when I’m practically giving you free alcohol?”

“You sneaky liar you,” Jaehyun whispers while still keeping a smile on his face, “why didn’t you tell me we were coming for Junmyeon’s engagement party?”

“I mean, it doesn’t make a difference, does it?” Johnny asks while leaning close to Jaehyun.

“Yes it does. It makes you a sneaky liar.”

“Well, technically,” a smirk taking over Johnny’s face even as he nods to the bartender who’s currently serving a couple to their right, “I didn’t lie. I said it was a “thing”, and it is a “thing”. I never specified what “thing” this was.”

“It’s called ‘lying by omission’, smartass,” Jaehyun snipes back even as Johnny orders him his usual glass of Merlot. To be honest, Jaehyun doesn’t know why he’s so mad that Johnny didn’t tell him that this was Junmyeon’s engagement party. In his head, he knows he's probably overreacting, but he can't seem to tame the streaks of annoyance flaring up in him.

To be even more honest though, Jaehyun doesn’t know why he always gets so cranky whenever the name ‘Junmyeon’ pops up.

Not that he didn't like Junmyeon - Junmyeon was lovely. He probably is still as lovely. It’s just that, well, Jaehyun never liked the person that Johnny became around Junmyeon. He doesn’t really know how to explain it, but to Jaehyun, it felt like Junmyeon made Johnny less than Johnny. Johnny always seemed to shrink whenever he was around Junmyeon - as if Junmyeon were the bright shining sun, and instead of a blooming flower, Johnny was more like a slowly-melting snowman with a carrot for a nose. Jaehyun never told anyone, but he was secretly relieved when he found out that Junmyeon had broken up with Johnny because Johnny was his Johnny again - his best friend Johnny, the Johnny he knew and loved.

Jaehyun tries to shake his thoughts away, perching himself on one of the bar stools, sipping on his wine. Johnny sits on the stool next to him, his long legs reaching over to rest on Jaehyun’s foot rest instead, turning his stool round so they’re facing each other.

“Jaehyun, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you upfront that this was Junmyeon’s engagement party,” Johnny rests his hand on Jaehyun’s forearm, grip gentle and warm, “I convinced myself that it wouldn’t make a difference either way, but I assumed wrong and upset you so I’m sorry for not giving you the heads up.” Johnny tightens his grip a little, just enough for Jaehyun to look at him, “I’m really sorry for upsetting you, Jaehyunnie, please forgive me?”

Johnny’s leaning in close, sincerity bleeding into his voice and Jaehyun feels like it’s just the two of them in the room even though they’re surrounded by a crowd of strangers. “You’re right,” Jaehyun admits even as his hand finds Johnny’s, turning it to trace circles across his broad palm, “it shouldn’t be a big deal and I don’t know why I’m so annoyed about it. Just, please don’t hide things from me next time?”

Johnny grins wide and hooks their pinkies together before they bring their thumbs together, “I promise, I’ll try not to anymore,” Johnny interlaces their fingers, lightly squeezing his hand, and Jaehyun can’t take his eyes off of the way relief blooms behind Johnny’s eyes. “Thank you, Jaehyun.”

 

   

🐱🐷

 

 

Jaehyun feels...off.

On one hand, he feels like he’s floating. He’s only had three glasses of wine, so he’s in that pleasant tipsy phase where he’s still aware of everything that’s going on, but has enough alcohol in him to brush everything off.

On the other hand, he feels like he’s slowly suffocating. The speakeasy has gradually filled up with more and more of Junmyeon’s and Jongdae’s friends and acquaintances, and Jaehyun feels like he can hardly breathe with the heavy mix of perfume, cologne, alcohol and _people_.

Johnny, of course, is totally unaffected. If anything, Johnny’s totally in his element, with his easy smile and magnetic personality. Johnny is warm at his side, one hand holding his glass of gin and tonic, the other resting loosely on Jaehyun’s hip, thumb rubbing mindless circles on to his skin. In turn, Jaehyun is leaning heavily against Johnny, his fingers tucked firmly in Johnny’s back pocket and his other hand swirling what’s left of his wine. They had retreated to a quieter corner of the speakeasy after Johnny spotted Sehun, an old friend from their college days, and while it’s nice to catch up with him, Sehun had always been closer to Johnny than Jaehyun. So after a while, Jaehyun is more than content to just listen, intent on snuggling up against Johnny while offering timely hums of agreement or interest in their conversation.

“Did you want another glass?” Johnny breathes into his ear when Jaehyun tips his head back on to Johnny’s shoulder to drain his fourth glass of wine. Jaehyun barely manages to suppress a shiver. “No, thank you, I’m good,” Jaehyun replies, “actually, I think I’m gonna go outside for a bit.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just need some air.”

“Want me to come with?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine! You guys keep talking, I’ll be back.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. You can send out the search teams if I’m not back in half an hour,” Jaehyun jokes.

“Okay,” Johnny presses a fleeting kiss to his temple, “be careful, alright?”

“Of course,” Jaehyun answers easily, squeezing Johnny’s waist as he leaves.

 

 

🐱🐷

 

 

It’s cold outside, colder than Jaehyun expected, but it helps to sharpen Jaehyun’s mind, taking deep breaths of the crisp air to try and shake off that odd feeling that was plaguing him inside the bar.

“Oh! Jaehyun! What are you doing out here?” Jaehyun spins round only to see Junmyeon stepping out of the bar, rubbing his hands together to fight off the chill as he approaches Jaehyun.

“Nothing much, just needed some air.”

“Same,” Junmyeon smiles, “I mean, I know it’s supposed to be our party and all but man, Jongdae’s got a lot of friends and they can all talk your ears off!” Junmyeon chuckles with a fond smile across his face.

“Congratulations, by the way,” Jaehyun says, “I realised I didn’t wish you before.”

“Thank you, Jaehyun,” Junmyeon smiles ruefully and continues, “I know it’s probably a little weird to be attending the engagement party of your boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend but I’m glad the both of you are here,” Junmyeon offers a small smile. “When Johnny said you guys had moved in together, I was really surprised but also really happy for you two. I know that is probably weird to hear, given our history, but I really do care for Johnny, and truth be told, I didn’t think Johnny had it in him to finally confess his feelings for you,” Junmyeon laughs.

Jaehyun’s head whips round so fast he thinks he hears his brain collide against this skull. “You- Johnny- what?”

“Mhm,” Junmyeon hums, “truth be told, it’s one of the reasons why Johnny and I broke up all those years ago. We got along just fine the first few months, but I think after a while it became quite clear to both of us that we would never work out because his heart belonged to you. I remember being really mad at Johnny at first,” Junmyeon laughs, “but he was so lost and scared and also so genuinely apologetic that he had pulled me into his mess that I just couldn’t hold it against him. He was a mess though; after he realised his feelings for you. I kept telling him to confess to you but he was so adamant that he didn’t want to ruin your friendship, so after a while I just gave up and let him be.”

“Seeing how happy you guys are now though, I’m glad it all worked out in the end!” Junmyeon grins. Junmyeon grins as if he hadn’t just pulled the rug from under Jaehyun’s feet. Like Jaehyun’s entire world hadn’t tilted on its axis and was spiralling quickly into another dimension. Like Jaehyun’s lungs and heart and brain and basal fucking reflexes hadn’t stopped functioning.

Johnny has feelings for him? _Johnny_ has feelings for _him_?

This must be a joke. Junmyeon must be mistaken. Johnny told Jaehyun that it was Junmyeon who broke up with him!

“Oh hey, Junmyeon!” Jaehyun starts when he hears Johnny from behind them, “didn’t think you would be out here.”

“Just needed a little breather. But I should probably head back in before Jongdae comes and yells at me,” Junmyeon jokes. “Thanks for coming, you two, I’m really happy for you guys.”

Junmyeon heads back for the door but not before giving Johnny’s shoulder a quick pat. Johnny shoots a smile back at Junmyeon’s retreating figure and Jaehyun’s mind is reeling - he’s definitely got way too much alcohol in his system to be processing this shit.

“I just came out to make sure you weren’t too cold,” Johnny stoops slightly so he’s eye level with Jaehyun. “Are you okay? You don’t look too good,” Johnny notes, “maybe we should head off. We’ve gotta get up early tomorrow anyway.” When Jaehyun doesn’t protest (is he even capable of coherent thought at the moment?!), Johnny takes off his jacket to drape it over him. “Wait here for a second, I’ll just quickly duck back in to say 'bye' then we can go,” Johnny pulls the jacket snugly around Jaehyun before gently tilting his head up to look at him. Jaehyun can only stare back blankly.

“You’ll be okay out here?” Johnny murmurs. Jaehyun swears he’s seen the same look of concern in Johnny’s eyes plenty of times before. But that, coupled with his newfound knowledge and the way Johnny’s thumbs naturally start to caress his jaw startles Jaehyun, and it’s all he can do to nod mutely, averting his eyes to the pavement instead.

“I’ll be back in a sec,” and the way Johnny leans in to press a kiss to Jaehyun’s forehead before jogging back into the bar again feels way too natural and Jaehyun has never been more confused.

 

 

🐱🐷

 

 

Jaehyun can’t sleep.

The rest of the night blurred into nothing. from the time Johnny came back out from the bar, guided Jaehyun into the waiting Uber, ushered him into their apartment and into his room, got Jaehyun to change into his pyjamas while Johnny went to fetch some aspirin and a huge glass of water, standing close as he made sure Jaehyun took the pills and drank enough water to ward off any chance of a hangover, then tucked him into bed after checking that Jaehyun’s alarm had been set.

Now, alone and all nicely tucked into his bed (just up to the underarms, because Johnny knows how warm Jaehyun gets under his comforter, _of course_ Johnny knows), Jaehyun can’t stop thinking about everything Junmyeon said. He’s confused to say the least. Johnny and him have been best friends since high school and the thought of Johnny liking him is just so...surprising? They’ve always been close so maybe Junmyeon just misunderstood? Junmyeon _did_ think that they were a couple just because Johnny mentioned that they were staying together. Surely Junmyeon being mistaken is a more probable conclusion than that his best friend of more than ten years likes him.

That’s what Jaehyun tells himself, yet he can’t seem to make himself believe it.

 

 

🐱🐷

 

 

“Wow, don’t you look like shit.”

“Gee thanks, Doyoungie, you’re a real pal,” Jaehyun says, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly.

It’s been a few weeks since The Junmyeon Incident and frankly? Jaehyun is not doing too well. He doesn’t know why, but he’s found himself trying to avoid Johnny, which is a fucking hard task seeing that they are _best friends_ and _housemates_. Supposedly anyway. Jaehyun still doesn’t know what to make of Junmyeon’s revelation but instead of facing it like an adult, Jaehyun is choosing to run from it; maybe he can run from it long enough to forget what he’s even hiding from in the first place.

“Seriously though, are you okay, mate? Did something happen with Johnny?”

“Why would you think this has anything to do with Johnny?” Jaehyun retorts a little too quickly.

“So it is about Johnny,” Doyoung rolls his eyes. “You’ve ditched him every single day for the past two weeks saying that we’re busy here but all you’ve been busy with is helping Taeyong with his arvo shift, which don’t get me wrong, is great, but we’re hardly any busier than we normally are.”

“I’m just trying to help though,” Jaehyun sulks.

“We know, and Taeyong’s real grateful - he said he finally managed to arrange the food colorings in alphabetical order just like he always wanted,” Doyoung notes, “the point is, prior to this, I could count on one hand the number of times you’ve ditched Johnny, but now suddenly you guys can’t go home together because you’ve gotta help with piping macarons?” Doyoung asks with a single arched brow, “sounds highly suspicious to me.”

Jaehyun’s eye twitches, the truth furiously bubbling at the surface before, “JOHNNY HAS FEELINGS FOR ME!!!” Jaehyun blurts out, and once the dam had been broken, Jaehyun can’t help but unload everything on Doyoung from the start, relaying every thing from the time Junmyeon stepped out of the speakeasy, to just last night when Jaehyun couldn’t sleep because Johnny had sensed how stressed out Jaehyun was and offered to give him a shoulder massage and Jaehyun had hightailed the fuck out of the living room, but not before catching how Johnny’s face had fell.

“Huh.”

Jaehyun stares at Doyoung incredulously. “What the fuck, Kim Dongyoung? Here I am, pouring my heart out to you about my existential crisis and all you can say is ‘huh’?”

“Wow chill, mate,” Doyoung pacifies, “I’m just saying that it kinda makes sense?” Doyoung hurries to clarify when he sees Jaehyun’s eyes bug out, “I mean! Not like I expected it or anything, but it doesn’t surprise me? You guys are awfully close; I don’t even say or do half the things you guys do with Sicheng, and we’ve been dating for years now.”

“...we do?”

“Well, yeah!” Doyoung retorts, “you guys go to work together, go home together, you decide on our seasonal specials based on his favorites, he sneakily dedicates entire playlists to you, you go for weekly hikes just outside of the city together, and did you know that Johnny always kisses you goodbye?”

“I- well shit,” Jaehyun pauses, “I never realised, to be honest. what the actual fuck, Doyoung, what the fuck do I do?”

“Do you like Johnny?”

“He’s my best friend!” Jaehyun retorts.

“As more than just a best friend and housemate though?” Doyoung prods, “because, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it takes two hands to clap, and while Johnny does kiss you goodbye, you also hug him hello too, like, all the time.”

Jaehyun gulps, realisation settling over him like a fog. “Of course I like him, how could I not like him when he’s my best friend, right? But like, _like_ him? I mean, what does it even mean? To _like_ someone, anyway?” Jaehyun’s voice peters out.

“I guess it’s different for everyone? I know people talk about love at first sight and fireworks and anime sparkles exploding everywhere, but I never had that with Sicheng,” Doyoung admits. “You know how awkward Sicheng is with strangers, so my first impression of him wasn’t that great. The more time we spent together though, whether just the two of us or with a group of friends, the more I realised how happy he made me, and how much I wanted to make him happy all the time,” Doyoung’s voice gets all soft and takes on a melancholic note. “It was really only after our first big fight that it finally dawned on me how much Sicheng meant to me; because even though I was mad, so fucking furious at him, I also wanted to hug him close and make sure he was okay - and that’s how I knew,” Doyoung finishes with a secret smile, far away eyes that spoke volumes about how deep his love for Sicheng ran.

Jaehyun can’t help but interrupt this fairytale moment with a, “that is gross, Doyoung, don’t infect me with your lovey dovey feelings, what the fuck.”

“Fuck off, Jung Jaehyun! Don’t you have sugar flowers to make?”

Jaehyun successfully avoids the handful of milk chocolate chip bullets flung his way and considers this conversation a rousing success.

 

 

🐱🐷

 

 

No one knows this, but Johnny was Jaehyun’s first crush - his big gay awakening, if you will.

Jaehyun would argue that it was inevitable, what with Johnny being so friendly and so good-looking, not to mention tall and talented and generally the nicest guy in school. Johnny was filled with such natural charisma; always ready with a warm, albeit a little goofy, smile and an even warmer presence that thawed the hearts of even the fiercest teachers and thugs in school. Jaehyun swears at least a third of the school population had a crush on Johnny at some point in their high school life.

So if you had told high school Jaehyun that Johnny liked him, he would be rapt. Ecstatic. Over the moon. Jaehyun thinks that he would probably even have cried a little. But adult Jaehyun, who years ago had perfected the art of repressing his feelings and managed to gain a best friend out of it, is unsure. Even after Doyoung’s pep talk, Jaehyun doesn’t feel like he’s any closer to closing out this thing, this situation. He’s so tense about it that it’s spilling over into his work, into his life, into his friends’ lives, and definitely into Johnny’s life. Jaehyun might be doing his best to avoid Johnny but it’s tough not to notice the growing dark circles around his eyes, or the split second pause before saying anything to Jaehyun, as if Johnny was hesitant lest he say something that rubs Jaehyun the wrong way.

And Jaehyun doesn’t want that - he doesn’t want this thing, this situation, where they are tiptoeing around each other - Jaehyun, because he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing, and Johnny, because he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s done wrong.

Jaehyun knows that they have to talk. He’s known that for days and had days of many missed opportunities to bring it up. Which leads to this very moment.

Jaehyun had returned home after, yet again, staying back to help ice the new fall edition cupcakes, to Taeil quietly closing Johnny’s door behind him. Taeil’s eyes had widened in surprise upon seeing Jaehyun, but quickly ushered them both into the kitchen, a box of pizza on the counter.

“Want some pizza? There’s a few slices of left - thin crust - Johnny said they were your favorite.”

Jaehyun tried to keep a straight face, but he felt himself flinch at the mention of Johnny because _of course_ Johnny knows his favorite type of pizza, just as Jaehyun knows Johnny’s is pepperoni with extra cheese and BBQ sauce.

“I was right then, you guys had a fight?”

Jaehyun shrugs, now grateful he has pizza to eat to distract himself from how uncomfortable this conversation suddenly got. “Not really? I’m just, working through some stuff at the moment,” Jaehyun pauses, considering his options before his curiosity wins out in the end. “Is Johnny...okay?”

“He was running a temperature at work so I dragged him home and had just managed to get him into bed before you came back,” Taeil sighs. “He says he’s fine but we can all tell he’s not. For one, he keeps queuing these really depressing songs for the program and we just, never see him smile anymore. Which is really unnerving because Johnny’s usually all smiles all the time,” Taeil rolls his eyes but Jaehyun can tell it’s out of fondness and concern for Johnny.

“Anyway, I’ve gotta run or I’ll never get dinner ready before Jungwoo gets home. I gave Johnny two Advil about an hour ago. He was running at 103°F before that though, so definitely check his temperature again after a bit, just to make sure it’s come down. I’m sure he’ll be fine but if you need help, just give me a yell,” Taeil relays even as he gathers up this things.

“You’ll be okay?” Taeil asks, then continues with a sigh after Jaehyun gives a noncommittal shrug, “I’m not gonna prod into you guys’ business, but you and I both know that whatever it is, Johnny will always try his best to fix it - you just have to let him know what he’s done. So please promise me you’ll talk to him? Soon? The both of you look like you haven’t slept in days.”

Taeil leaves their home with a look that’s meant to be empathetic, but just serves to almost choke Jaehyun with guilt. The rest of the pizza goes down like dry cardboard even as the rest of his body goes on auto-pilot - he’s taken care of Johnny more than once to know that he’s definitely sweating his fever out right now - getting a clean washcloth and a medium sized washbasin to fill with lukewarm water.

Jaehyun quietly tiptoes into Johnny’s room, eyes blinking as he tries to get used to the semi-darkness. Johnny shifts in his sleep at the sound of the creaking door, but doesn’t wake. With glaring familiarity, Jaehyun makes his way to the edge of Johnny’s bed, wringing out the excess water in the washcloth as he uses it to gently wipe down Johnny’s face. At the touch of cool water on hot skin, Johnny stirs, eyes blinking sluggishly as he tries to take in the scene in front of him. “Jaehyunnie?” Johnny’s voice is raspy, with sleep, yes, but also with remnants of a bad cold and Jaehyun’s guilt resurfaces with a vengeance, its creeping vines wrapping over his heart. “You’re back. There’s pizza. Thin cr-“

Jaehyun shushes Johnny, taking the opportunity to take his tympanic temperature. 100.7°F. Could be worse. “Don’t worry, Taeil hyung told me. Now close your eyes and go back to sleep.”

Johnny’s eyelids are heavy, like he’s trying to fight off Mr. Sandman, but he squeezes on Jaehyun’s hand in his (Jaehyun doesn’t recall reaching out to hold his hand and that thought scares him a little), tugging it closer to him even as he shivers under his blanket. “I’m glad you’re here,” Johnny murmurs and Jaehyun doesn’t realise he’s holding his breath, “I’ve missed you.”

Jaehyun gingerly cards his fingers through Johnny’s perspiration-slicked hair, brushing stray strands out of his face, nails faintly scratching against his scalp. Johnny’s content hums trickles down to a slow stream of shallow breaths, his grip going limp in Jaehyun’s hand. Jaehyun takes his time studying Johnny’s face, eyes tracing strong cheekbones and angular jaw, deep set cupid’s bow and full lips - Jaehyun’s heart stutters in place.

“I’ve missed you too,” he whispers to Mr. Sandman.

 

 

🐱🐷

 

 

Jaehyun didn’t think it was possible, but things get even worse after that. Johnny goes from skittish to silent. Not to say that Johnny’s not being civil. In fact, he’s being the perfect housemate - getting breakfast ready in the morning, cooking or ordering take out for dinner so all Jaehyun needs to do is warm it up in the microwave when he comes home. He does the dishes and the laundry, cleans up after himself (and sometimes Jaehyun too), doesn’t turn his music up too loud nor use up all the hot water - it’s like Jaehyun suddenly has Cinderella’s singing birds and mice helping out around the house.

It’s also like Jaehyun has lost his best friend.

Jaehyun knows he’s only got himself to blame because he’s the one who’s been trying to run away from his problems which, as past history proved time and time again, has made things even worse. “Stupid Jaehyun, never learning from your own mistakes,” he mutters under his breath, grumpily stabbing at the buttons on the remote as he channel surfs from the couch. He knows Johnny is at home. Not that he had sneakily put his ear to Johnny’s closed door and heard him shuffling around in his room or anything.

Jaehyun doesn’t know when he falls asleep but when he wakes up, there’s a thin blanket thrown over him, the TV has been turned off, and he’s swathed in darkness, save for the moonlight shining through their windows. Fucking ghost-Johnny again. Before Jaehyun can roll off the couch, he hears the jingling of keys at the front door and freezes in mid-action. He stills as Johnny quietly lets himself in, toes off his shoes and places them back on the shelf. It doesn’t take long before Johnny realises he’s got an audience.

“Oh hey, sorry, did I wake you?” Johnny asks as he makes his way to the kitchen.

“Where did you go?” Jaehyun suppresses a wince at how sharp his voice sounds.

“Donghyuck was freaking out about college apps, so I went over to help.”

“Why do you smell like cigarettes?” Jaehyun snaps.

“I went to get some drinks with Yuta after,” Johnny frowns, “are you okay, Jaehyun? Did you get into a fight with your boyfriend?”

Of all the things in the world that Jaehyun thought Johnny would say, that definitely absolutely positively was not one of them. “Boyfriend? What the fuck, Johnny? I don’t have a boyfriend!”

“Oh.” Johnny’s frown deepens. “Seriously? Then what’s wrong? You’ve been all sneaky and secretive the past few weeks.”

“I have not! And even if I were, what the fuck that does have to do with me supposedly having a boyfriend?”

“Yuta said that you always get like that when you’ve got a boyfriend! You get all skittish and quiet and I get anxious because I think I’ve done something wrong but months later we finally find out you’ve been sneakily dating someone.”

“Yuta? Who the fuck does he think he is? He doesn’t know jackshit! And you actually believe his bullshit?”

“At least Yuta actually speaks to me instead of stonewalling me like you’ve been doing! You always do this! You always run away and hide from your problems instead of talking it out like a reasonable adult. It’s fucking exhausting, Jaehyun!”

“Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Suh, for exhausting you with my coping mechanisms. I’m sorry not everyone can be as pugnacious as you!”

“Pugnacious? I’m pugnacious? You force me to be pugnacious! You’re an adult, Jaehyun, start fucking acting like one!”

“Stop fucking yelling at me!”

“Okay okay fine, no more yelling. Fuck man,” Johnny takes a few deep breaths even as he tries to school his face into a neutral one. “Can you please just tell me what’s wrong then?” Johnny asks, making his way into the living room to drop himself on the coffee table in front of Jaehyun. ‘Too close!’ Jaehyun’s mind shouts and before he can stop himself, Jaehyun is already scrambling up to press himself against the arm of the couch, hugging his knees close to his chest. A confused look flitters across Johnny’s face and the vines around Jaehyun’s heart tighten their hold.

“It’s me, then?” Johnny asks, “I really did do something wrong?” Johnny’s face falls and Jaehyun’s body betrays him again, scooting closer to reach for Johnny’s hand before his brain can tell him it’s probably a bad idea.

“No!” Jaehyun interjects, “No. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“What happened then? Please tell me? I just want to help, if you’ll let me.” Johnny adjusts his grip so that his bigger hand envelops Jaehyun’s smaller one. Warm, so warm.

This is it. Jaehyun takes a shuddering breath in, eyes trained on the veins on Johnny’s forearm. “I... I talked to Junmyeon that night. At his engagement party?” Johnny’s thumb is running soothing circles around Jaehyun’s knuckles as he hums, letting Jaehyun know he’s listening. “I just... congratulated him and he was saying how he’s really glad that we were there then he-“ Jaehyun stops short. His heart is pounding in his chest, his eyes are still trained on Johnny’s forearm, where the muscles shift with every slow circle that Johnny’s thumb makes.

Jaehyun needs to stop running.

“He said that he never imagined you would finally tell me that you had feelings for me. That those feelings were why you guys broke up.”

Johnny’s thumb freezes. Jaehyun thinks he stops breathing too. He chances a glance at Johnny’s face - his eyes are wide and his mouth is slack with shock. “Is it true? Do you like me?”

Johnny stutters incoherently, his nose scrunching up in that way where Jaehyun knows he’s buying time to think up a lie. “Please don’t lie to me.”

Johnny’s jaw snaps shut. Jaehyun can hear the second hand on their wall clock ticking away each tense second. A deep fortifying breath in. “Yes, I do.” Johnny’s hand is clammy in his and Jaehyun doesn’t think Johnny realises how tight his grip has gotten. Far from being uncomfortable though, somehow Johnny’s fast grip is keeping him anchored even through this, honestly bewildering, situation. “Even after all this time?” Jaehyun asks, skeptical. Johnny nods.

“But, why me?”

“Are you kidding me, Jaehyun? Why can’t you see how amazing you are? You’re so smart and kind and so so fucking talented. You’re so passionate about your shop and baking and every time I see you get excited about your newest creations, it feels like you can take on the world. Your smile brightens up the entire room and your laugh can cure even the worst of days.”

“I don’t know what kind of lies your asshole douchebag ex-boyfriends have told you, but you are an amazing person, Jaehyun, and you deserve all the happiness and love in the world.”

Jaehyun feels his breath get taken away as he gazes at Johnny. Jaehyun knows Johnny, and Johnny truly believes every word he said and that’s just, more than anyone has ever said; more than Jaehyun can even fathom. “I... I don’t know what to say,” Jaehyun admits, trying to swallow down the tears that are threatening to spring forth at Johnny’s honest confession.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry but please believe me when I say I meant every word,” Johnny moves to intertwine their fingers, free hand coming up to cradle Jaehyun’s cheek as he gently wipes away the errant tears that have escaped from Jaehyun’s eyes. Jaehyun’s eyes instinctively flutter shut at Johnny’s warm touch, and when he opens them again, Johnny is now much closer to him than he remembered, but Jaehyun finds himself thinking that he doesn’t really mind. In fact, he very much likes the way Johnny is looking at him now; like Jaehyun himself hung the moon and painted the stars in the night sky. Johnny’s gaze flickers to Jaehyun’s lips and Jaehyun unconsciously flicks a tongue out to wet them.

“You’re so beautiful, Jung Jaehyun,” he feels Johnny whisper the words into his skin before soft lips meet his, just a tentative press of lips, but enough to make Jaehyun’s fingertips tingle. At the back of his mind Jaehyun thinks he should be doing something, reciprocating, but he’s so overwhelmed at how close Johnny is, how right it feels to be in his arms, how much he wants squeeze on his arms and tug him closer. The thoughts ricochet in his mind and he’s frozen in indecision, limp in Johnny’s embrace.

Before Jaehyun can do anything, Johnny jerks backwards, hands dropping from his grasp on Jaehyun, eyes wide and haunted as he stares back at Jaehyun. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, oh my god, I’m so- I shouldn’t have-,” Johnny stumbles as he jolts up from the coffee table, walking backwards, “I totally thought- I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, oh my god.” Johnny looks at Jaehyun as if he were a rabid dog, as if any movement on Johnny’s part would spook Jaehyun.

“I should go. I’m gonna go,” Johnny rambles, grabbing the jacket he had hung up only minutes ago. He pauses at the door, as if he wanted to say something, but once he meets Jaehyun’s eyes, he tenses up and before Jaehyun can even blink, Johnny is gone.

The vines squeeze tight around his heart, and Jaehyun swears he can hear his heartbeat thrumming in his ears.

 

 

🐱🐷

 

 

“Okay spill,” is the first thing that Doyoung says as he steps into the kitchen.

Jaehyun barely looks up from where he’s been kneading the bread dough, “what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Don’t act dumb with me, Jung Jaehyun. Taeil hyung texted Sicheng last night, said that Johnny’s taken refuge at his place but didn’t say why. He thought maybe I would have some insight. So here I am, getting my insight.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Jaehyun sighs, defeatedly relaying yesterday’s events even as he continues to knead his dough, “and he kind of stood at the doorway for a bit then skedaddled the fuck out.”

“Wait, hold up. Did you or did you not kiss him back?”

“Not,” Jaehyun smacks the dough into a tin to proof.

“So let me get this straight. You let the poor dude tell you how awesome he thinks you are, let him kiss you, don’t kiss him back and don’t say anything whatsoever as he panics and runs away?”

Jaehyun pauses midway as he’s breaking up the butter for the rough puff pastry, “well, when you put it that way, I kind of sound like an asshole.”

“That’s because you are one!”

“What the fuck? Chill man, I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s the whole problem, Jung Jaehyun! Youngho hyung literally spilled his heart out to you and it’s like you just sat there while it bled out right in front of you. Complicated feelings aside, that’s not how best friends treat best friends, mate, come on.”

“I just froze, okay? God! I mean, it’s not everyday that your best friend fucking ups and kisses you.”

“Did you like it though?”

“Of course I liked it! I mean, look at him! Who wouldn’t like being kissed by him? Have you seen the lips on the guy? With that fucking gorge of a cupid’s bow and that goddamn pillowy bottom lip? And his stupid fucking hands are so fucking big and warm it felt like sitting by a bonfire during a crisp autumn bloody evening.”

Doyoung blinks rapidly at Jaehyun’s outburst, head cocked questioningly to one side. “Wow, it is true, the pretty ones are the dumbest.”

“Kim Dongyoung! I will murder you and make it look like a kitchen accident so help me god!”

“Wow, so angsty,” Doyoung comments but stops short when Jaehyun raises a palette knife threateningly, “okay okay chill, mate. We just thought you would eventually figure it out but it seems we’d overestimated you.”

“We? Eventually figure what out? I need you to speak in English, Doyoung.”

“We, being Sicheng and I, but that’s besides the point. Okay, bear with me here. Think back to the night of Junmyeon’s engagement party, the part before talking to Junmyeon. Did you have fun? Was it difficult?”

“Difficult? Why would the party have been difficult?”

Doyoung narrows his eyes questioningly at Jaehyun, and Jaehyun suddenly feels like he’s missing the punchline. “Because you two went as a couple. You were supposed to be pretending to be his boyfriend? Does any of this ring a bell to you, pretty little pig?”

Oh fuck. Honestly, Jaehyun didn’t even remember that they were supposed to be pretending to be a couple that night; they were just... being their normal selves. “It wasn’t difficult. I guess? But I mean, we’re best friends, we’ve been around each other for so long, it shouldn’t be hard to convince a bunch of people we haven’t seen since college that we’re a couple.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes and Jaehyun resists the urge to fling the bag of raw sugar at him. “Okay fine. Then can you imagine life without Youngho hyung? And before you feed me your “best friend” crap again, I’m talking about your future. You guys aren’t going to be housemates forever. Imagine with me here."

"One day, sooner or later, hyung’s gonna find someone else he’s gonna wanna spend the rest of his life with. He’s gonna propose to the dude and seeing as hyung is hyung and you’re his best friend, you’ll prolly get roped into planning some elaborate and cheesy proposal. He’ll prolly even ask you to act it out with him just so he can make sure that he’s planned out everything to the last minute detail. Then he’ll get married and of course you’ll be the best man, and he’ll beg you to rehearse his self-written vows with him, and you’ll agree because you’re the best man and also a colossal idiot so you’ll stand there, hand in hand with Youngho hyung, as he looks you straight in the eye and recites vows that are meant for someone else. Then he wi-“

“Stop!” Jaehyun all but shrieks. Oh fuck. Oh fucking fuck. Oh fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Jaehyun tries to unclench his clammy hands, the shortbread pastry now definitely ruined with his sudden surge of body heat. His stubby fingernails have left clear indents on his palms and he can’t tell whether his heart is racing or has stopped completely but either way he feels like he can’t breathe. “I can’t believe this. Oh my god, I can’t fucking believe I’m still in love with Johnny Suh, this has got to be a joke,” Jaehyun mutters.

“Hang on, ‘still’ in love?”

“Uhm yeah, funny story! I had the fattest crush on Johnny when we were still in high school,” Jaehyun stutters out, “but like, that was ages ago and I’ve had plenty of boyfriends since then.”

“Yes, and funnily enough, there was a common reason why all those boyfriends never worked out.”

“Yeah, they were all assholes.”

“More accurately, they were all assholes because you were always, and I quote, “emotionally unavailable”.”

“Shut up, Kim Dongyoung.”

“You shut up, JohnnyLover95.”

“I hate you.”

“But you love Johnny,” Doyoung cackles but stops short when he sees the look on Jaehyun’s face. “Come on, stop freaking out, Jaehyun. Youngho hyung clearly has feelings for you, and as we have finally ascertained, you also have feelings for hyung. This isn’t rocket science, mate.”

“It might as well be.”

“With that kind of attitude, yeah.”

“It’s not that easy, okay? Johnny’s my best friend, I don’t wanna mess everything up. I can’t lose my best friend just because I was stupid enough to grow feelings, or whatever.”

“You’re not gonna mess it up, come on! Have some faith! If not in yourself, then at least in hyung,” Doyoung reasons, then rolls his eyes at Jaehyun’s look of utter panic. “Mate, stop overthinking it and just talk to Youngho hyung.”

 

 

🐱🐷

 

 

‘Just talk to Youngho hyung’ was a perfectly reasonable action plan - that is, if Johnny would just fucking stop avoiding him. It’s been days and Jaehyun hasn’t seen or heard from Johnny since he ran off that night. Jaehyun is sure that Johnny’s been back to their apartment though, because dirty dishes that he’s sure he left in the sink in the morning are somehow miraculously washed and left to dry on the rack by the time he gets back from the bakery.

“Fucking Johnny Suh,” Jaehyun mutters under his breath, settling into their couch, arms crossed fast and eyes now perfectly adjusted to the dark that he’s deliberately shrouded himself in. “Making me sneak around, hiding in the dark like some fucking lovelorn puppy. When I see you, I’ll fucking kill you,” Jaehyun continues to mutter, eyes staring daggers at the, currently empty, dark hallway.

Jaehyun isn’t sure if five or 35 minutes have passed before he hears the telltale sign of keys jingling at their front door. The metallic clinking serves only to speed his heart up in his chest - stomach roiling in a confused mixture of anxiety, anger, tension and excitement. Jaehyun tries to control his breathing and keep his mind clear even as Johnny enters their apartment, berating his stupid stupid heart for its visceral cooing at the mere sight of the man he’s sorely missed.

Johnny’s movements are measured, almost hesitant, quietly toeing off his shoes and turning on the hallway light before shuffling on padded feet to the kitchen, almost as if he was checking if there were dishes to do. Fucking Johnny Suh!

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

Johnny whirls around in shock but not before his feet slip from under him. Jaehyun would’ve laughed at the way Johnny’s socked feet frantically scramble for purchase on the tiled floor, if not for hard thunk that Johnny’s head makes when it bounces off the floor.

“Holy fuck! Are you okay?”

Jaehyun is crouched by Johnny’s side in a blink, helping Johnny sit up, one hand instinctively cupping the back of Johnny’s head while the other cradles his jaw. “Are you okay? Does it hurt?” Jaehyun wills himself not to notice Johnny staring wide-eyed at him even as Jaehyun firmly rubs circles into the back of Johnny’s head.

“You’re not supposed to be home.”

“Neither are you, yet here we are.”

Johnny bites his lip as he looks away, his gaze flitting everywhere except Jaehyun’s face. Jaehyun stays hunched at Johnny’s side, the front of his thighs barely brushing against Johnny’s. His fingers keep kneading into the back of Johnny’s head, not only because he doesn’t want Johnny to bruise up, but also because if he stops then he doesn’t know what else to do with his hands. So he opts to keep his hands busy, eyes trained on the drawer knob to the left of Johnny’s head. They stay like that, huddled silently together on the kitchen floor. Jaehyun doesn’t think he can ever remember a silence shared with Johnny that was as awkward as this.

“This is kind of ridiculous, huh?” Johnny comments self-deprecatingly, the pretty corners of his mouth scrunching up in a half-grimace. Jaehyun feels and sees Johnny take a deep breath as he moves to grasp Jaehyun’s hands in both of his. “I’m sorry I kissed you. I got ahead of myself and assumed things I shouldn’t have so I’m really sorry for doing that,” Johnny pauses, nibbling on the inside of his lower lip - a tell that Jaehyun has long known means that Johnny’s scared. “And I’m sorry that I unloaded all my feelings on you. It wasn’t fair to you and I especially apologise if I made it seem like I was holding our friendship hostage in return for some reciprocation. Because I’m not! I’m really not. I love you, Jaehyun. You’re my best friend and you mean the world to me. And if it means I have to muzzle my feelings in order to stay by your side, I’ll do it, I’ll gladly and willingly continue to do it. I just- just- I don’t want to lose you.”

“So although it’s selfish of me to ask you this, I’m gonna ask it anyway. Can you please just forget everything and let me be your best friend again?” Johnny pleads, his eyes finally finding Jaehyun’s, gaze contrite and hopeful at the same time.

But Jaehyun doesn’t want that; if he wasn’t sure before, he’s certain of it now - he wants to be with Johnny, not just now, not just as best friends, but to _be with_ him. He wants to hold Johnny’s hand, and spend their weekends cuddling on the couch while binge watching Black Mirror or listening to The 1975’s latest album. He wants to go out on dinner dates and movie dates and dates where they don't even need to talk because just the weight of Johnny's shoulder against his is enough for contentment to hum in his bones. He wants them to argue about chores and which cereal to get at the store and whether to get Thai or Chinese food for dinner. He wants them to explore their city and the world together - flipping coins into the Trevi Fountain, scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef, ice-skating in the middle of Central Park, getting lost in the souks of Marrakech, making funny faces at the camera as they ride Space Mountain, greeting all the sprightly ahjummas as they hike up Halla-san.

He thinks this realisation should scare him a little, seeing that he’s never been in a relationship longer than six months, but it inherently feels _right_. He just can’t imagine a future without Johnny in it - he can’t imagine _his_ future without Johnny sharing lead role beside him. He knows it’ll probably be rough, taking the leap from best friends to lovers, but all he knows right now is that he’ll hate himself even more for not taking that first step to jump into the unknown.

He wants Johnny, he wants Johnny to be his forever. And ideally, Jaehyun really really _really_ wants to kiss Johnny. Like, right now.

“Kiss me again,” Jaehyun stutters.

Johnny freezes, and it’s almost comical to Jaehyun how he can see Johnny malfunction, his eyes bugging out as he tries to process Jaehyun’s words. Comical, if not for the fact that Jaehyun’s heart is hammering so hard against his rib cage, he almost feels faint. Bracing himself, Jaehyun slowly tilts forward when Johnny doesn’t move, stopping just before their noses brush against each other.

“Kiss me again, Johnny Suh,” he whispers against Johnny’s lips, “then I can show you what I should have done. What I meant to do.”

Jaehyun swears he can feel the surge of blind faith that takes over Johnny when he finally closes the hair’s breath distance to capture Jaehyun’s lips in his. And Jaehyun knows he’s in too damn deep when his heart is set ablaze with familiarity; his lips _finally_ moving to kiss Johnny back, something he should have (could have, would have) done all those days ago.

Johnny makes a small groan of surprise when Jaehyun moves to drape his arms around his shoulders, drawing them even closer together. Jaehyun relishes in the heat of their combined warmth and even more at the large hands that settle on his hips to tug him close.

They only break apart when they run out of air, foreheads resting against each other and noses barely brushing, fighting to catch their breath but also unwilling to be any further apart. Johnny’s thumbs are rubbing mindless circles on to Jaehyun’s skin, and Jaehyun lightly scratches the soft, short hairs at Johnny’s nape.

“What does this mean?” Johnny whispers once he’s caught his breath.

“It means I like you, Johnny Suh. I like you a lo-“

Johnny surges forward again before Jaehyun can finish his sentence, taking the opportunity to suck on Jaehyun’s bottom lip, drawing out a moan from Jaehyun that should embarrass him, but how could he when Johnny’s tongue does this fucking amazing thing that sends tingles right down his spine. Jaehyun all but melts in Johnny’s arms, letting Johnny manhandle him on to his lap, and Jaehyun doesn’t waste a second in making full use of this newfound height advantage to bear down on Johnny, tilting his head up to suck hard on that plush bottom lip he’s always, always fantasised about. Johnny pulls away only to trace his lips up Jaehyun’s jawline, his saliva slicked lips leaving behind barely there trails that make Jaehyun’s breath stutter. He willingly bares his neck for Johnny to suck a bruise just below his ear, fingers tugging on Johnny’s hair at the pleasure-pain sensation.

It’s when Jaehyun’s hips rock down automatically that Johnny slowly pulls away, leaving a chaste, apologetic kiss above his collarbone when Jaehyun whines in protest.

“Slow down, Jaehyun, we’ve got all the time in the world now.”

 

 

🐱🐷

 

 

“Babe, have you seen my hood- ah, found it.”

Johnny huffs, trying to keep the exasperation in his voice, but failing in the face of the pitiable lump on the couch. Jaehyun is curled up on it, leaning heavily on its arms to help keep him upright.

“I was planning on wearing that, you know.” Johnny squeezes himself into the space left by his boyfriend (his boyfriend! God! Even after all these months Johnny still gets all giggly at the fact that he can call Jaehyun his _boyfriend_ ) (Boyfriend!), gently brushing aside the blunt bangs covering his eyes. Jaehyun blearily gazes back at him, breathing nosily through his open mouth, his head lolling on to Johnny’s shoulder and arm snaking between the couch and him to cling on to Johnny like a koala - Johnny loves it.

“I was cold. And miserable. And this is warm. And smells like you.”

Jaehyun sniffles and a pout naturally finds its way on his beautiful face, quickly replaced by parted lips when he realises he can’t breathe through his blocked nose. Jaehyun wipes at his eyes and nose with his (technically Johnny’s) sleeve, “do you want it back?”

And Johnny knows he shouldn’t be finding Jaehyun adorable at this time, with his nose rubbed raw, philtrum shiny with mucus, breathing loudly through his mouth - but really all he wants to do is stay at home and cuddle his boyfriend back to health, work commitments be damned! “It’s okay, I’ll feel better that it’s keeping you warm when I can’t.”

“You can still call in sick,” Jaehyun sulks but accepts the warm cup of honey lemon tea and medicine that Johnny hands him and downs the tablets with a wince.

“You know I wish I could, babe,” Johnny really wishes he could because he would definitely rather spend the day snuggling Jaehyun and nursing him back to health than work, but he’s got an important client meeting today, one that he probably should not cancel or reschedule. “Finish your tea and I’ll tuck you back into bed before I leave.”

“Does that mean if I don’t finish my tea you won’t leave me?”

Johnny barely contains a fond eye roll at Jaehyun’s antics but doesn’t manage to stop from ruffling his hair when he tips back the last drops of tea with an exaggerated smack of his lips. “Come on, let’s get you back in bed,” Johnny pats Jaehyun’s bare thigh as he makes to bring Jaehyun’s empty mug to the kitchen.

“Carry me?”

Johnny never stood a chance against Jaehyun’s puppy dog eyes. Especially when said puppy dog eyes were drowsy and red-rimmed, filled with a self-pity that Johnny would move mountains to curtail.

No matter how many times he’s done this, he still can’t help the way the tips of his ears redden when Jaehyun winds his arms around Johnny’s neck, burrowing close to his chest and torso. Jaehyun nuzzles against his neck, making goosebumps rise with his unnaturally warmth breath. Johnny just holds him closer, heart brimming, overflowing with affection for the boy in his arms.

Jaehyun is half way to dream land when Johnny places him on their bed, drowsy meds working their magic. The grip Jaehyun has around Johnny’s neck doesn’t dissipate though, and it’s with a rueful grin that Johnny has to extricate himself out of Jaehyun’s grasp. He tucks Jaehyun in, making sure that the comforter goes all the way up to his neck and shoulders this time.

"No cuddles?" Jaehyun says with a slight lilt in his voice, as if voicing a question, but the downturn of his lips lets Johnny know that Jaehyun already expects being turned down. "No, no cuddles, babe, sorry. But here, you can cuddle Jay instead," Johnny reaches for the seal plushie, only to be stopped by Jaehyun. “No, I want Blue. Blue smells more like you,” Jaehyun murmurs, clear about what he wants even though he’s half asleep, and Johnny actually needs a moment to compose himself because he is a Grown Up and really should not be ready to melt into a puddle at Jaehyun’s drugged up antics. Heart so light it feels like he could float away, he hands the whale plushie over to Jaehyun, who promptly tucks it under his chin, sweater paws clutching it close.

When Jaehyun looks back at Johnny, it’s as if he’s been transported into a fairy-tale because suddenly, it’s like time has slowed down and Johnny is now hyper aware of the way Jaehyun’s long eyelashes almost kiss his cheekbones; the twinkle in his eyes even though they’re currently rimmed red from his cold; scarlet tinted cheeks standing out against alabaster skin; the teeny mole on his left cheek; his defined nose bridge and the way the corners of his lips curve up; the gradual curve of his jaw. Johnny reaches over to gently brush away a few stray strands of Jaehyun’s bangs, Jaehyun humming contentedly when his fingers linger to scratch through his scalp.

Objectively speaking, Jaehyun is good-looking - anyone who refutes this would be lying to themselves - but it’s Jaehyun’s passion, his sincerity and his conviviality that really draws people to him. Everyday Johnny wakes up and wants to be a better person; be the best version of himself that he can possibly be so that he can be someone who is worthy of Jaehyun; someone that Jaehyun can be proud of.

“Why are you staring at me? Do I have snot on my face?”

Johnny chuckles, “I love you so much, Jung Jaehyun.”

And Johnny is rewarded with the most radiant smile; the most beautiful smile that never fails to take his breath away, with dimples deep and winking mischievously at him. Scarlet rises high on Jaehyun’s cheeks and his ears are tinted pretty pink even as he fights to keep the smile off his face.

“Shut up, you cheeseball,” Jaehyun rasps, his widening smile though, clues Johnny into how much Jaehyun actually enjoys hearing it.

"You love cheese though," Johnny can't resist teasing, “brie, camembert, gouda, manchego,” peppering Jaehyun’s face with tiny fluttery kisses with each word, “god forbid, a nice, warm, thick slab of grilled haloumi even.”

“Oh yeah, talk dirty to me, baby,” Jaehyun giggles, tugging Johnny down by the back of his neck to kiss him soundly on his lips. Once. Twice. Thriceeeee.

“You’re gonna make me late for work.”

“Oh no, you’ve uncovered my grand plan.”

Johnny chuckles, reluctantly detaching himself from Jaehyun’s lips after allowing himself one last lingering kiss, priding in the contented whimper Jaehyun emits and how kiss-swollen his lips look. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise,” Johnny whispers.

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, babe,” Johnny placates, “but rest up, and when I’m back, we can cuddle and spend the rest of the weekend watching Disney movies, okay?”

“Okay,” Jaehyun tugs Blue back in his tight embrace, “good luck with your meeting, baby,” he yawns, eyes finally closing as he drifts off to sleep, “love you.”

“I love you too,” Johnny naturally leans down for a chaste kiss to Jaehyun’s forehead, “very much.”

(And if Johnny comes home after his meeting with the sniffles, well, that’s just more time that they can spend cuddling in their bed.)

  

 

💖🐱💘🐷💖

**Author's Note:**

> if you've made it this far, congratulations and thank you for giving this silly lil' thing a chance! if you somehow enjoyed this, please consider giving it a kudo to boost my spirits! if you have any questions or concrit (i know my grammar can be shocking and i apologise), please let me know (but also please be nice to my fragile cancer soul)! thank you, please come again!  
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